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johnstonmrI'm tired of defending my geekiness.
Yes, I'm a geek. That's not an admission, it's a statement. I'm sick of people acting like my love of Science Fiction and Fantasy, and more, my love of the associated Fandom, is something to be ashamed of. To those who continually make fun of me for it, I say these things:
1) Fuck you! What the hell is wrong with you that you have to belittle me for something I enjoy? You don't like it? Great! Go away and leave those of us who do in peace. Think it's weird? Fine! Do you absolutely have to say so to me?
2) When you make fun of those who are in sci-fi clubs (and believe me, I know some of them are kinda out there), keep in mind that some of the people you're making fun of -- even those who are Out There -- are my friends. And I'm tired of pretending they're not so I don't get made fun of. I'm a member (well, not in good standing, I haven't paid this year's dues, but still!) of the U.S.S. Defiance fan club. Sure, it's a silly name. Sure, there are some people there I wish would get lives outside SF/F. But these are also, with a few exceptions, good, hardworking people with lives, emotions, and interests other than Science Fiction. Even the more annoyingly stuck-in-fiction members of Defiance have non-genre interests -- from ham radio to politics to literature.
Those people helped me through some very difficult years at one time, and I owe them a debt I can never repay -- even the ones I don't speak to much anymore mean something to me. And damn you to hell for making me feel bad about it. And damn ME to hell for letting you.
No one has to like all of someone else's friends. Some of my friends don't like another of them. I can count the number of people from Gregory and Elli's dojo I like on one hand -- and one of the people they like the most pisses me off so much I can't be in the room with him for very long. So what? Not their problem -- it's mine, and I don't burden them with it (In fact, this is likely the first inkling they have of it, unless they're much more perceptive than I thought).
Yes, some of the people in those groups are so completely divorced from reality they make even my skin crawl. But don't assume that ALL of the members are like that. In my ten years in fandom, I've met a lot of smart, attractive, successful people in those clubs -- just as many as the losers, in fact.
Sure, I mostly sit in the back with Sally, Penny, Sheryl, Lisa, and Tracy and heckle the crap out of the people who take it all too seriously. But I'm still one of them in the end, and I know it.
I'm one of them. End of story.
Yes, I'm a geek. That's not an admission, it's a statement. I'm sick of people acting like my love of Science Fiction and Fantasy, and more, my love of the associated Fandom, is something to be ashamed of. To those who continually make fun of me for it, I say these things:
1) Fuck you! What the hell is wrong with you that you have to belittle me for something I enjoy? You don't like it? Great! Go away and leave those of us who do in peace. Think it's weird? Fine! Do you absolutely have to say so to me?
2) When you make fun of those who are in sci-fi clubs (and believe me, I know some of them are kinda out there), keep in mind that some of the people you're making fun of -- even those who are Out There -- are my friends. And I'm tired of pretending they're not so I don't get made fun of. I'm a member (well, not in good standing, I haven't paid this year's dues, but still!) of the U.S.S. Defiance fan club. Sure, it's a silly name. Sure, there are some people there I wish would get lives outside SF/F. But these are also, with a few exceptions, good, hardworking people with lives, emotions, and interests other than Science Fiction. Even the more annoyingly stuck-in-fiction members of Defiance have non-genre interests -- from ham radio to politics to literature.
Those people helped me through some very difficult years at one time, and I owe them a debt I can never repay -- even the ones I don't speak to much anymore mean something to me. And damn you to hell for making me feel bad about it. And damn ME to hell for letting you.
No one has to like all of someone else's friends. Some of my friends don't like another of them. I can count the number of people from Gregory and Elli's dojo I like on one hand -- and one of the people they like the most pisses me off so much I can't be in the room with him for very long. So what? Not their problem -- it's mine, and I don't burden them with it (In fact, this is likely the first inkling they have of it, unless they're much more perceptive than I thought).
Yes, some of the people in those groups are so completely divorced from reality they make even my skin crawl. But don't assume that ALL of the members are like that. In my ten years in fandom, I've met a lot of smart, attractive, successful people in those clubs -- just as many as the losers, in fact.
Sure, I mostly sit in the back with Sally, Penny, Sheryl, Lisa, and Tracy and heckle the crap out of the people who take it all too seriously. But I'm still one of them in the end, and I know it.
I'm one of them. End of story.
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Addendum
If you're not going because you really can't afford it, or because you just don't want to, that's fair.
Understood?
Re: Addendum
My appologies if my past comments were among those that offended you.
Hrm
Liz told me the other day, "I don't think that I'd take Aikido at your dojo. I was talking to Michael, and it turns out that your dojo is just too touchy feely for my taste" or something like that, I'm paraphrasing. We talked about it a bit, and I think that she should come to a class or two and see for herself what she thinks, but why are you bothering to walk around telling people that our Dojo sucks? Maybe it's not your thing. Maybe she asked you what you thought, I don't know. I'm just wondering, why does it matter so much to you what our dojo is like, and why are you talking about it so much lately? (You said something to Gregory and I the other day about it, talked to Liz about it, and used it as an example on your LiveJournal. Prior to the last two weeks, I hadn't heard you mention it at all...)
Re: Hrm
I'm going to apologise in advance here if I get snippy, I'm a little offended at the tone I perceive here.
How many people do you know from our Dojo? I'm sure there are a ton of people you haven't even met.
Irrelevant to the fact that I don't like those I know, except for a few.
To hear you talk about Aikido, it's some kind of 'touchy feely' new age thing. You've been to what, one or two classes? I like it there, and I am not into that whole 'touchy feely thing'. Sure, I've seen it about a little, there are a few people in our Dojo who are just a bit whacked. But there are whacked people anywhere. Maybe you just had an unlucky experience.
No, I do not think Aikido is like that, I think your dojo is like that. Perhaps I'm mistaken, but I make the judgment based on the comments and proselytizing I've heard from Gregory and several others from that school, and from the two conversations I had with the Sensei. IMHO, the school does things as part of the curriculum I don't think belong. That's my right to believe.
Liz told me the other day, "I don't think that I'd take Aikido at your dojo. I was talking to Michael, and it turns out that your dojo is just too touchy feely for my taste" or something like that, I'm paraphrasing. We talked about it a bit, and I think that she should come to a class or two and see for herself what she thinks, but why are you bothering to walk around telling people that our Dojo sucks?
You know what? I'm not even going to pretend to be polite here. Don't accuse me of something without knowing exactly what I said. I NEVER said your dojo sucks, I said I wouldn't go there because I do not agree with the teaching methods and the outlook of the students I know. We (Terri, Liz and I) were in a conversation about martial arts in general and your school came up, and Terri and I both made comments on what we thought based on the few times we'd been there. It was a minor part of a much longer conversation.
Maybe it's not your thing. Maybe she asked you what you thought, I don't know. I'm just wondering, why does it matter so much to you what our dojo is like, and why are you talking about it so much lately? (You said something to Gregory and I the other day about it, talked to Liz about it, and used it as an example on your LiveJournal. Prior to the last two weeks, I hadn't heard you mention it at all...)
I've felt the way I do about it since just after Gregory started studying there. I've mentioned it several times, but it isn't something so important that I have to go on about it all the time. And I hardly think my opinion definitive, it's just what I perceive. Abso-fucking-LUTELY Liz ought to check it out for herself.
And I'm NOT "talking about it so much." Give me a break. Just because it's been mentioned a few times lately doesn't signify anything -- how often do you actually see me? Also, if you'll look back to the entry that started this, I did NOT say anything negative about the dojo itself. I said I don't like several of the people I know from it. I don't. The POINT of the example wasn't "This dojo is worthless" but "We don't have to like each other's friends". We don't. Perhaps I should have just named names, or said "friends of" instead of mentioning the Dojo, but I didn't want friends of yours from other places to think it might mean them, and so far as I know, none of the dojo people read this journal.
opinion
Michael, I adore you and love you dearly. I trust you and even sometimes like you (~_^). I value your wisdom and your opinon. So sometimes, when I am already charged about something, like Aikido, it is hard for me to accept that you think badly about it. It is hard for me to accept that you feel questionable if not negative about something that I do, let alone something that is such a huge part of my life. Something that is very much a part of who I am.
I would hope that if any of my friends thought that I was doing some new age shit they would slap the crap out of my cult brainwashed mind and get me into some rehab.
The bigest pang for me is that you were at my Shodan... You saw how hard it was and how life changing it was for me. I want you to go "Aikido is damn cool and it kicks ass, but it isn't for me."
There is part of me that wants you, my brother, to acknowledge that what I am doing has merit. Has worth. That what I am doing means something. I don't need your approval... I want it.
That is what makes it hard.
uh, I think that's it.
..end of line
Re: opinion
I was at your Shodan also and it was amazing, but you note, I also have no interest in Aikido, or your dojo. Partially due to aesthetic reasons - the art just doesn't appeal to me, and partially due to the dojo itself and the feel I get from it, which isn't negative, but to me it doesn't feel very welcoming to outsiders. I always feel like I'm intruding on a private club when I walk in and no one says hello - even people I know just sort of look at me like I'm a piece of lint. As far as it being touchy feely new age, maybe a little, but I don't start worrying until you sell all your belongings, shave your head, and start hanging out in airports selling flowers.
There was a point here. I think it's that although we find things we don't necessarily like about it, that doesn't necessarily mean we think it's bad.
I mean, come on people, it's not like they've taken up Tae Kwon Do.
Re: opinion
Now, not everyone in that group does that as much as others.. Some of the more advanced students there seem to get the idea that I'm never going to join and somehow turn off the preaching. But then they seem to allways be looking down to me. They have a sort of "I know something you don't and you could never understand it" approach to me. Hell, I've flat-out been told that it's something I couldn't understand.
Which, granted, I don't mind one bit. If understanding it makes people act like that and shut out anyone not a part of the "in" crowd, I hope I never understand it. May my mind be ever confuzed (not a far step from my current state).
But the fact remains, and the point I'm trying to get to, is that I have also felt the "you're not one of us", "we don't need or want you here" vibe from that group on many occasions.
I'm not expecting to be invited on the mat for a workout with the group the instant I walk in the door (I think my group is the only one that does that) but I would at least like to have my presence aknowledged after sitting by the mat for a bit. Maybe have an advanced student or the Sensi come over and explain what is going on. Or am I just expecting too much from any dojo in general?
wow, that was long-winded.. apologies to anyone who actually read all that trash.
Re: opinion
Gregory, you dumb sumbitch (and that phrasing is meant for comedy!), I DO think that way. Sorry if I don't make that clear.
Re: opinion
Now me, on the other hand... :) I've allready discussed my feelings on the topic.
for the record...
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