I am Jack's venting spleen.

[johnstonmr]

Ok, I'm more than a little pissed off. And while I fully realise I'm being a little hypersensitive, this kind of thing is coming up so often it's starting to wear on me.

Over the weekend I went to game with some friends. In the aftermath, as all were packing up, there was a discussion on christmas. Now, as I understand it, two of my friends think that there are only three reasons to celebrate christmas:

1) Commercialism
2) Religious
3) Tradition

We won't get into my thoughts on this (suffice to say I disagree), except to wonder why said people have a christmas tree in their house. But that's not the point. I went on to say I like Christmas, and was accused of liking it for the commercialism aspect. I replied that no, I consider it a celebration of giving a damn about people, to which she said "Oh, but fuck 'em the rest of the year." Another friend piped up that "yes, that's Michael's basic philosophy." Now, I laughed, but in case you didn't catch it, that was a fake laugh.

Do you people really believe that shit? If so, why in the Nine Hells are you my friends?

I'm equally angry and hurt that I'm reduced to such a characture of my personality by my own friends, especially considering the number of times I've gone out of my way to help people. Has my image changed so damned much? Am I really just an irritable grump to you people?

Comments

[closer2myself.livejournal.com]

Now I want to know what type of music you're listening to.

[johnstonmr]

Filk. "Signy Mallory" at that precise moment.

gee ... thanx a lot ...

[khanfused.livejournal.com]

... I've heard that song precisely *once*. It was when Cat Sosbee, Nina and I were driving around town at night doing some test video shots ...

... so now I've got dim fragments of that song (which was playing on the tape deck) on a loud demonloop ... along with Cat's voice, because she was singing with it ...

... the LEAST you could do is get me the MP3 of the #$()$*(#@% thing, so I can remember the whole song properly ...

Re: gee ... thanx a lot ...

[johnstonmr]

Consider it sent.

[ipsafictura.livejournal.com]

I'll preface this, somewhat irrelevantly, with the fact that I also don't agree with that assessment of christmas. I celebrate it because I like what I identify as the "Spirit of Christmas" which could be basically boiled down to giving a shit about people. Now, let's move on to the issue at hand.

I am sorry that you are hurt and upset, that was certainly not my intent, and I seriously doubt it was the intent of anyone there. Do I view you as not giving a fuck about anyone the other 364? No, I don't, it was a joke and not intended to express my perception of you. As to being reduced to a characture by your friends, welcome to the club, you've done it to me too.

While I don't perceive you as "just an irritable grump" you do often project an aura of grumpiness and when you are in a bad mood it's usually pretty damned noticable. I, as your friend, tend to dislike seeing you in a bad mood, it's not that I don't want to see it, it's that I don't want you to be unhappy, and when you are it saddens me. When you're in a good mood you are a light, you sparkle, and you're wonderful to be with, this makes your bad moods a particularly strong contrast and perhaps that gives me a false perception that you are grumpy more often than the average, I'll be aware of that in future and watch how my perception is coloured. Another issue with that is that, rather like me, so this is terribly hypocritical, you don't like to be cheered up when you're unhappy. When, for example, Elli is unhappy I can often cheer her up, at least a bit, making my friend happier is important to you, so it's particularly depressing when you're grumpy and I can't cheer you up, it makes me feel helpless and like a not particularly usefull friend. My perceptions, and my feeling of helplessness are entirely my issue and this does not mean that I want to be your fair weather friend, only around when you're sparkly, it means I have to get over these issues, and learn to deal with them.

Well, this is a long rambly post indicative of my 3 hours of sleep, if you distill all this down what you get is this:

You're my friend Michael, I love you and I am truly sorry I hurt your feelings, I'll be more sensitive to this in the future.

[johnstonmr]

Well said.

As I said at the beginning, I was aware I was being hypersensitive, and I do take your explanation as truth and will, I am sure, get over it. I think it was the caustic tone of the first part of that that really got to me, though I will admit there were other factors that were no one's fault.

Suffice to say, I'll need to get over some things, too. I guess that's how it works. :)

*sigh* It was so much easier in High School.

[ipsafictura.livejournal.com]

Suffice to say, I'll need to get over some things, too. I guess that's how it works. :)

You have things you're still getting over? You're not perfect? Alright, now you're not my friend! ;)

I can sympathize, I've had things said to me that were meant purely in jest that for one reason or another really stung. It sucks, and I hate the feeling.

Really?!

[lubeguy.livejournal.com]

*sigh* It was so much easier in High School.

Funny, I don't remember that. I remember High School as the most emotionally challenging time of my life, next to being newly married. But I do remember that, for all of his grumping, Michael was never someone I would characterize as "grumpy". Even when in a bad mood, or depressed, he would always come to the aid of a friend in need, and he actually got funnier, as far as I was concerned, the worse the mood was. My point? Folks, let's not take things, including ourselves, too seriously. Life is meant to be enjoyed, and good friends are supposed to add to, not detract from, that joy.

Re: Really?!

[johnstonmr]

Yeesh, I'd forgotten that.

Good point, too. Damn you.

Re: Really?!

[lubeguy.livejournal.com]

Since you're paying attention right now, are you guys ever going to be free for lunch? This electronic version of "This is Your Life" is fun, but it's a little surreal for me. Oh, and by the way, do I know Sylvan? I can't quite make the picture out.

Re: Really?!

[johnstonmr]

As to lunch... uhm, right now the burden is more on my pockets than my time.

As to Sylvan: Not likely. He's originally from the bay area.

Re: Really?!

[lubeguy.livejournal.com]

Since you're paying attention right now, are you guys ever going to be free for lunch? This electronic version of "This is Your Life" is fun, but it's a little surreal for me. Oh, and by the way, do I know Sylvan? I can't quite make the picture out. Who do I know in this neighborhood?

Re: Really?!

[mslulu.livejournal.com]

You don't know Sylvan. He's an old friend of mine from my post-high school Rocky Horror days in the Bay Area, and Michael met him recently through a role-playing group he's involved with.

Technically, Ed's on LJ as Thunderlord, but he has yet to post anything.

Are we talking a weekday lunch here? There must be some definite planning made so my schedule can be flexed. It's quite flexible, as long as there's warning.

Re: Really?!

[johnstonmr]

Oh, and that "so much easier in high school" was meant as sarcasm, but of course I forgot to do the coding correctly and the fake HTML tags got evaluated and didn't show up, with [sarcasm] and [/sarcasm].

Actually, I recall school as an incredibly lonely time where I only had a couple of people I believed were friends and a bunch of people I was convinced didn't /really/ like me.

One additional...

[johnstonmr]

As to being reduced to a characture by your friends, welcome to the club, you've done it to me too.

Yeah, that's a good point. We all do it to each other, pretty much a LOT. It's not something that normally bothers me, either. How about you?

Re: One additional...

[ipsafictura.livejournal.com]

Nope, not really because I know it's meant in jest and that anyone I call a friend can see me for more than a one dimensional archetype. Sure, it can push a button in the wrong circumstance but normally I am pretty thick skinned about this sort of thing.