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I feel so stupid. I know I need to go to the gym, and the grocery store. But I can't seem to shake the need to stay home and wait for a call I'm almost certain won't be coming.
I honestly think I won't get the job. It's not because I think I'm stupid, or anything. I just have a feeling it's not going to work out. Though, I have to admit, a part of that is martyr complex in action. Still, even knowing the source of it doesn't negate the dread certainty that somehow either I blew the interview or they just found someone better.
And losing two previous jobs to people I know--and like--doesn't help.
And to top off my misery, my sunglasses broke yesterday in a way that is non-fixable. Or, rather, I could fix it if one of the lenses hadn't popped out and slid through the crack between the floor and the elevator, losing itself in the depths of the elevator shaft. *sigh* This is why I never buy good, expensive sunglasses. I either lose them, or break them.
And yeah, the sunglasses thing is a minor issue, honestly. It's not like I can't go get another pair. But I have rarefied tastes in sunglasses, and I've already spent, just since May, $60 on sunglasses. That's four pairs, for those of you keeping score. I wouldn't even bother to buy them anymore, except that I can't survive summer without them, thanks to the wonderfulness of blue eyes and extra light-sensitivity.
There are, by my count, twelve people on my "friend of" list who either I know or suspect dislike me. Some have reason, some do not. I wonder, though, why they're still reading? Though, perhaps, they're not -- either they don't look at LJ often, or they've filtered me out to avoid upsetting me by removing me wholly. If that's the case, folks, rest assured--if you don't like me, I'm not going to care if you stop reading. Of course, if you've filtered out my posts, you'll never see this. *shrug*
I also have folks I've never heard of, and I wonder how they heard of me and why they bother reading what is essentially me whining about my life. I mean, periodically I start writing more substantial stuff, but 9 posts out of 10 are just blithering about daily crap. So why bother reading about the day-to-day life of someone you don't know, don't care about, and won't ever meet?
On the other hand, I read several folks I don't know and likely never will, but they're at least entertaining. I don't think the majority of this journal qualifies.
It's a funny thing, really. I don't know![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
moriarty6 or wicked_wish, though the possibility of meeting them has gone up with their move to Seattle and burgeoning friendship with my dear graphxgrrl. I likely will never meet funwithrage, or waiwode. Yet I continue to read them, partly because they're damned entertaining, partly because it's very easy, in the abscence of actual firsthand acquaintance, to believe that these folks would, if nearer to me, become true friends. For all I know, funwithrage is actually a complete bitch (though I doubt it, Izzie!), and moriarty6 would think I'm a completely useless fool if he met me. But with distance, one can pretend a level of affection that makes no sense at all, logically. Maybe that's why I read these things.
I don't pretend to understand it, really. I just write it down and pretend it means something.
Wow. I am not ok. I think I need to go work out and maybe get some food for later. See ya, folks.
I honestly think I won't get the job. It's not because I think I'm stupid, or anything. I just have a feeling it's not going to work out. Though, I have to admit, a part of that is martyr complex in action. Still, even knowing the source of it doesn't negate the dread certainty that somehow either I blew the interview or they just found someone better.
And losing two previous jobs to people I know--and like--doesn't help.
And to top off my misery, my sunglasses broke yesterday in a way that is non-fixable. Or, rather, I could fix it if one of the lenses hadn't popped out and slid through the crack between the floor and the elevator, losing itself in the depths of the elevator shaft. *sigh* This is why I never buy good, expensive sunglasses. I either lose them, or break them.
And yeah, the sunglasses thing is a minor issue, honestly. It's not like I can't go get another pair. But I have rarefied tastes in sunglasses, and I've already spent, just since May, $60 on sunglasses. That's four pairs, for those of you keeping score. I wouldn't even bother to buy them anymore, except that I can't survive summer without them, thanks to the wonderfulness of blue eyes and extra light-sensitivity.
There are, by my count, twelve people on my "friend of" list who either I know or suspect dislike me. Some have reason, some do not. I wonder, though, why they're still reading? Though, perhaps, they're not -- either they don't look at LJ often, or they've filtered me out to avoid upsetting me by removing me wholly. If that's the case, folks, rest assured--if you don't like me, I'm not going to care if you stop reading. Of course, if you've filtered out my posts, you'll never see this. *shrug*
I also have folks I've never heard of, and I wonder how they heard of me and why they bother reading what is essentially me whining about my life. I mean, periodically I start writing more substantial stuff, but 9 posts out of 10 are just blithering about daily crap. So why bother reading about the day-to-day life of someone you don't know, don't care about, and won't ever meet?
On the other hand, I read several folks I don't know and likely never will, but they're at least entertaining. I don't think the majority of this journal qualifies.
It's a funny thing, really. I don't know
moriarty6 or wicked_wish, though the possibility of meeting them has gone up with their move to Seattle and burgeoning friendship with my dear graphxgrrl. I likely will never meet funwithrage, or waiwode. Yet I continue to read them, partly because they're damned entertaining, partly because it's very easy, in the abscence of actual firsthand acquaintance, to believe that these folks would, if nearer to me, become true friends. For all I know, funwithrage is actually a complete bitch (though I doubt it, Izzie!), and moriarty6 would think I'm a completely useless fool if he met me. But with distance, one can pretend a level of affection that makes no sense at all, logically. Maybe that's why I read these things. I don't pretend to understand it, really. I just write it down and pretend it means something.
Wow. I am not ok. I think I need to go work out and maybe get some food for later. See ya, folks.