Job Search

I've now applied to something like 15 positions. Three have closed, five more close on Monday. We'll see what happens. The rest won't close until they find someone they want.

My top choice has five openings in their school, which postings close on Monday. I have something of a prior relationship with the principal in charge of hiring, and one of the teachers remaining with the school, so hopefully that will get me somewhere.

Transformation

This one is going to sound a little strange, and probably very pretentious. It's all true, though.

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I'm changing. I can feel it, deep in my head. Finally finishing my degree was one thing, but it didn't really feel like an ending. It was more a transitional step. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud that I got it, but it wasn't the end result that mattered. It was a stepping-stone to a credential, and I knew that even when I'd graduated, I had a couple of years' more work.

But now, in my pre-service classes, it's beginning to feel real. I have, as I posted previously, applied to something like 15 positions, and more as I find them. I'm visiting schools and introducing myself to principals. I'm printing so many resumes and cover letters and copies of my transcripts and test results that I'm sick of the sight of them, but also happy, because unlike previous jobs, these matter on a level I can only hint at. Imagine that you're inches from the dream you've been carrying your whole life. You're so close you can taste it. You know you're prepared. You know it's going to be hard, but you know that you'll love every moment of frustration, every tear you shed after a hard day,* every moment when you just want to take a match to the stack of papers you have to grade by Monday. You'll love them all, because of the one moment when your kids laugh in understanding, the moment when you realize you broke through to the core of them.

In the past, when I've felt overwhelmed and not sure about things, I've pulled out Dead Poets' Society, or Dangerous Minds, or some other inspirational teacher movie. Now I don't have to, because it's in my brain like a fever, pushing me on. I have no doubts that this is what I want to do.

And on top of it all, I'm sucking up nonfiction. I've always read some non fiction, but it hasn't been a lot. But now, I'm reading about teaching, theory and memoirs, and mining the books for useful advice and information. I'm thinking about the career I'm entering every day, and trying already to figure out how I'm going to run my classroom: what expectations I'll have for my students, and what they can expect from me. I'm trying to plan out my syllabi (which is almost pointless, considering I don't even know where I'm going to teach, much less which classes I'll have, but I'm working on the basic stuff).

I described myself as an English Major the other day, and it brought me up short. I'm not an English Major, not anymore. Now I'm an intern. Soon, I'll be a teacher. Responsible for the learning of 150 kids I'll learn to see as my own.**

(aside) I just got a call from Sac Unified. I was all excited until I heard the recording about my student being signed up for summer school. Maybe if that district hires me, they'll finally get me off the parent list.(/aside)

I am so. fracking. excited.

* The guy I'd love to work alongside told me that his first year, he drove home and sat in his driveway for half an hour, nearly crying (and sometimes not "nearly"), before he could go inside and face his family. The first year is HARD.
**And some I'll loathe, yes. Cut me some slack, I'm still an idealist.