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Jun. 9th, 2003 06:44 am
(no subject)
I am exhausted.
Interesting weekend. Learned something late Friday night I'm still peeved over. There is someone who is very important to one of my friends, as important to him as Terri is to me. And I've always known she's not terribly fond of me. I mean, it's just obvious from the way she talks to me that she's at least slightly contemptuous. This has never really bothered me, until now.
See, I discovered that the root of her dislike is apparently a conversation we had some time ago. I'm actually more upset now than when I first heard about it, because I've remembered the situation it arose from, and my recollection is slightly different from what I understand hers to be.
I was arguing with Liz over something to do with teaching and the law, and she told me I was flat wrong. I was a little defensive, as I'd just been discussing this topic the night before with a credentialed teacher friend and had the straight scoop from her. So I said something vaguely silly, like "Hey, remember this is my field we're talking about." Kara (who was also there, in a nearby conversation, and is a credentialed teacher herself) turned and asked if I was a teacher. Feeling sheepish, I admitted that no, I wasn't, yet. She asked if I was in credential training, and I further admitted that no, I was still working on my degree but was not in school at this time (having just that day registered to return to school the following semester).
Apparently (and I admit to an imperfect understanding of all this based only on hearsay and my personal observations that evening) this sequence made me some kind of lesser being who claimed a status he was not worthy of (insert my eye-roll here).
There are a lot of reasons this bothers me, but the biggest is that dammit, it's stupid to dislike someone for a chance, probably ill-thought but innocent comment in what was essentially a drink-induced argument two or three years ago! Add in that I've always actually admired the woman for the most part, and I'm just kind of, I don't know . . . I hate to admit other peoples' opinions matter to me, but I feel kind of hurt, as well as angry. And I don't know why it matters to me. Maybe because Kara has, in most things, Gregory's ear, and a part of me suspects maybe her opinion of me could/will/has flavored his own. Maybe because I care more about other people's opinions of me than I'm willing to admit. And maybe just because I fear I really am as pathetic as Kara believes me to be. After all, I'm 32 years old and still trying to slog through math people half my age can do with their eyes closed.
Dammit.
Interesting weekend. Learned something late Friday night I'm still peeved over. There is someone who is very important to one of my friends, as important to him as Terri is to me. And I've always known she's not terribly fond of me. I mean, it's just obvious from the way she talks to me that she's at least slightly contemptuous. This has never really bothered me, until now.
See, I discovered that the root of her dislike is apparently a conversation we had some time ago. I'm actually more upset now than when I first heard about it, because I've remembered the situation it arose from, and my recollection is slightly different from what I understand hers to be.
I was arguing with Liz over something to do with teaching and the law, and she told me I was flat wrong. I was a little defensive, as I'd just been discussing this topic the night before with a credentialed teacher friend and had the straight scoop from her. So I said something vaguely silly, like "Hey, remember this is my field we're talking about." Kara (who was also there, in a nearby conversation, and is a credentialed teacher herself) turned and asked if I was a teacher. Feeling sheepish, I admitted that no, I wasn't, yet. She asked if I was in credential training, and I further admitted that no, I was still working on my degree but was not in school at this time (having just that day registered to return to school the following semester).
Apparently (and I admit to an imperfect understanding of all this based only on hearsay and my personal observations that evening) this sequence made me some kind of lesser being who claimed a status he was not worthy of (insert my eye-roll here).
There are a lot of reasons this bothers me, but the biggest is that dammit, it's stupid to dislike someone for a chance, probably ill-thought but innocent comment in what was essentially a drink-induced argument two or three years ago! Add in that I've always actually admired the woman for the most part, and I'm just kind of, I don't know . . . I hate to admit other peoples' opinions matter to me, but I feel kind of hurt, as well as angry. And I don't know why it matters to me. Maybe because Kara has, in most things, Gregory's ear, and a part of me suspects maybe her opinion of me could/will/has flavored his own. Maybe because I care more about other people's opinions of me than I'm willing to admit. And maybe just because I fear I really am as pathetic as Kara believes me to be. After all, I'm 32 years old and still trying to slog through math people half my age can do with their eyes closed.
Dammit.
