(no subject)

[johnstonmr]

I'm beginning to think a lot of my friends would not like me much if I was completely honest with them. Some because the things I don't say aren't very nice; others because they lack the ability to take any sort of criticism of their actions without getting defensive and/or pissy. Is this a common thing?

Seriously, I sometimes think the image of me as a crotchety old teacher without friends is a truism.

Comments

Hrm

[elisandra.livejournal.com]

I don't care if you make comments that state how you feel. But I think going out of your way to be judgemental is a little over the top.

I'm sure that you'll just respond with, "That's who I am" and I'm fine with that. Your friendship is worth it to me. The bickering, the insults, the dry sense of humore (which I love) everything. But don't think for a minute that I'M not going to tell YOU how I feel.

How do you like that?

you asked...

[lograh.livejournal.com]

I personally find it damn frustrating how little you do say. I know I'm an ass and I've got tons of problems, yet no one ever calls me on them! How the hell am I ever supposed to improve myself if I don't get any outside feedback? I can't objectively judge myself, becasue that judgement would itself be coloured by the very problems in perception/behavior I'm trying to judge!
So, no, I would not like you less if you stopped holding back. I would probably like you more because then I would know you are at least trying to help me get better instead of allowing me to get worse.
Now, don't expect me to go along with every critisism you have for me. I may decide that what you think to be a superficial fault is more important to me than that and I'm willing to accept that shortcomming if something else I hold dear hinges on it. I would at least like to know, however, how that is viewed by others.

[tobin.livejournal.com]

I'd actually prefer it if people were honest with me. I mean, I hope they have the tact to communicate it in a constructive or less-negative manner. Or at least warn me: "Matt, I'm about to say some negative shit, do you want to hear it?"

But, yes, I'd rather the honesty. I may bluster, I may get upset, but I do listen. Sometimes the attitude is worth dealing with and sometimes it's not. I suppose it depends if the point being made is really important or not.

Gosh..where have I heard that before? ;)

[tobin.livejournal.com]

Also, if you ever think of yourself as a crotchety old man, Michael. Just remember Trevor. You're no where NEAR as bitter as Trevor, and you have a good head start on him, at least on the path of life.

[ipsafictura.livejournal.com]

I have no problem with honesty, you've never really said anything horribly critical to me, or if you did it didn't upset me, since I can't remember it. There is a difference however, in constructive criticism and venting at the expense of your friends. If I want to say something brutally honest to someone I consider first whether any party will gain from me saying it, if they won't, I keep it to myself.

[johnstonmr]

I see that point, but then when it gets to where I have to censor myself on my own site because someone might get annoyed by what I say, well, that's bad. It means either I have NO place to vent my private thoughts, or I have to exclude everyone I know personally from seeing them. Feh. There's just no good answer.

Dood

[elisandra.livejournal.com]

See, I can't help but think that by having a live journal, you're putting it out there. You're putting it out there, and people have a place to comment. (if you don't want comments, disable it for that post)

I'm not shooting you down, I'm just telling you how I feel, or how what you said made me feel. Sometimes it's going to elicit a positive response, and sometimes a negative one.

Isn't that kind of the point?

Re: Dood

[johnstonmr]

But in that particular instance, you didn't so much as tell me how you felt as take me to task for an opinion you didn't like. Which is fine so far as it goes, but your tone seemed a bit high-handed, and you made assumptions regarding my motives that were at least partially incorrect.

Re: Dood

[johnstonmr]

However -- it was understandable, and I hold no grudge. And that incident didn't, really, start this, it was just the latest in a long line of things. I've really been biting my tongue on several things for a month now, and it gets tiring to have no place to safely vent other than to my cats. That's just not so satisfying.

To my mind, friends ought to be able to be harsh with each other from time to time, but these days that seems to be a minority opinion.