The Unseen side of teaching

I have this student--we'll call him Mark--who hit me with a whammy on
Friday.

He's in both my first and last periods. He's usually a happy guy, but
lately he's been really depressed, and not doing the best work, so I pulled
him aside and talked to him on Friday. I discovered, for the first time,
his entire family history.

When Mark was one year old, his mother died of cancer. Growing up, he
thought her death was his fault--that he made her sick when he was growing
in her womb--because he'd overheard someone say that she died partially
because she couldn't undergo treatment while pregnant. Then, when he
realized it wasn't his fault, he blamed his dad, whom he met for the first
time when he was five years old. His dad started seeing him regularly, and
he eventually stopped blaming his dad for his mom's death.

Six months ago, Mark had a son--at 15 years of age--and his father announced
that he was a "man" now, and therefore his dad wouldn't be seeing him much
anymore. Only on holidays would Mark see his father now. For the last six
months, Mark has been caring for his son as much as he could, between school
and work, and with very little support from his family. Mark is feeling
like he's sinking, and came to me for help.

Today Mark came to talk with me. Apparently his grandmother demanded a DNA
paternity test--and on Saturday, Mark learned that he is not the father.
Genetically, they're too different. Mark doesn't seem to care--he was
there at the birth, and loves the kid, and wants to remain his father. His
girlfriend is flipping out and, because Mark isn't the father, wants to give
the baby up for adoption--which Mark calls insane ("I told her, Mr.
Johnston--I may not be his dad, but she sure as hell is his mom, and she
can't do that!"). She has no idea who the real biological father is, which
to me says Mark should not trust this girl at all anymore.

He wanted advice. All I could tell him is that his desire to be there for
the little one is admirable--but that he's only 16 now, and needs to get
through school. I wanted so badly to tell him to run away from that girl
and be the 16 year-old kid he should be, but how can I tell him he should
abandon a child he has loved since he first saw him? So I told him to be
there for the child if that's what he really wants, and even be "dad" if
that's where his future leads--but not to get too wrapped up with this girl,
and to recognize that he can be a model for the child, and even a dad,
without being tied to someone he cannot trust for the rest of his life.

He has no legal responsibility, but he feels he has a moral one. I admire
that even as I shake my head at how he's ruining his childhood for a son
that isn't even his--and yet, he was there through the pregnancy, and
through the birth, and ever since. He spends all of his free time with
"his" son. That's admirable--but is it fair that this kid should have to
pay the price of his youth so that yet another black child doesn't grow up
fatherless?

There's just no really good advice I can give this kid... and that's the
real tragedy here.