Online Gaming: Why I don't do it.

1. The Game modes

I'm sick to DEATH of deathmatch games. Sure, blowing up others every two seconds is kind of fun for a while, but eventually it gets old. I like Coop or team-based play. Let me and four or five of my friends get together and stomp (or be stomped by) another group of friends. Let there be friendly banter back and forth. Let there be fun. Instead, we get chaotic crap where there's no teamwork, and no incentive for teamwork. I've played Mechwarrior 3 and 4 online, and even though I'm on a "team", no one works together -- they're all out to kill the other guys no matter what happens to the rest of the team. What's the use of a "HELP" function switch -- or even being on a team -- if no one actually comes to your aid?

2. Roleplaying, or lack thereof

EverQuest, Asheron's Call, etc. were supposed to be RPGs. I thought this would be a good idea, until I actually signed on to one. Even on "Roleplaying Servers" there is precious little RP to be had. On the fantasy world of EverQuest, there are thousands of idiots running around killing beasts, all within view of each other, and only one in one hundred of them learn to work with others.

After the five hundredth insult for talking "in character" and hearing the (true in my case but still) irritating fact that "Roleplayers are fags", I gave up and deleted it from my computer in the second month, even though I'd paid for six months.

Aside: I want my friends to get Xboxes. Then we can get online with Live, and play Star Wars Galaxies as it ought to be played. (I say X-Box because I won't be getting a PC that can run SWG for quite some time and thus will get the Xbox version). Mike reports the price will likely go down after E3, guys! ;)

3. The players
About fifteen years ago, morons began to breed at accelerated rates. For every kid sent to school by his parents after a nice breakfast, and taught how to be a decent human being, there are 10 more raised in rundown trailers by their fourteen-year-old mothers. And it seems each and every one of these little snots has taken to online gaming like their fathers take to Scotch.

I'm sick of people on MMORPGs with names like "Doome_Knighte69" and "DarthBigcock" and "Sk8terlord" (all names I've actually seen). I'm sick of the constant flow of moronic, childish insults that flow across my screen.

I mean, come on. I'm as much in favor of crowing in victory as the next guy, but when someone takes you out in a game, the proper response is to acknowledge their skill (or their luck) and either respawn or wait for the next game. It's ok to exclaim "shit!" at your desk; It is NOT ok to type a message to them calling them "fagg0t" and telling them you're going to fuck their mother. If you absolutely insist on insulting them, at least use your brain and come up with something inspired.

I'm sick of seeing "gay" used as a synonym for "stupid" or "bad", I'm sick of childish tantrums and seeing the language massacred, but most of all I'm sick of infantile behavior.

So now I don't do it except with personal friends, and rarely even then. Neverwinter Nights is a great game, but without voice (and my PC won't run a voice program at the same time; I'm still on a PII and can barely run NWN), it's not all that fun for me. It's hard, after all, to type a message while dealing with a horde of kobolds or drow.

Addendum: All that said, I have to admit that when Steel Battalion Online is released, I'll probably buckle under and get the Xbox live.

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I was just told of an extra on the B5 season 2 DVD: BLOOPER REELS!!!!!

Me happy. Or me will be when me gets it.

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I've been writing my autobiography for several months now. I'm not even close to the halfway mark, let alone finished, because I can't do it for very long at a stretch.

I'm writing it not for publishing (for who'd care about MY life?), but to sort things out in my head -- though it may smack of self-worship or self-promotion to say it, I've lived a crapload of trauma, and some of it has gotten mixed up in my head. For example, something I was sure happened when I was 10 I've realised couldn't have happened until after I turned 12, because I didn't know the person involved until then.

The point of this post is, a lot of stuff is coming back to me because of this, and I've got a lot of regrets, mostly having to do with my estranged relationship with my dad, which was never healed before he died. I let anger cloud my mind until it was too late. And the more memories I awaken, the more forgotten events I recall, the more I wish I'd made peace with him. Because despite my anger at how he treated me, I loved the hell out of that man. My anger caused us both pain, and he'll never know I forgave him.

Love your family. Even if they're insane, even if they're maddening, keep them close. Because you never know when they'll leave you forever.